While riding last Wednesday, after getting dropped by the group on the big, fast "Wednesday Ride" here in San Diego, I was wondering whether I could've tried even harder to stay with the group or if I had given everything I had at the time. I determined that I had and that thinking otherwise would be tricking myself into believing I was fitter than I actually was. I told myself to suck it up and get to work so you can hang on longer next time!
This lead me to think about the following experience that has always stuck with me and has been a very valuable lesson learned since then.
NYC Tri 2002 - USA Triathlon National Championships
It was the best and worst timing. My cousin was getting married in NJ on that Saturday. The race was Sunday morning. Early. Great for killing 2 birds on one plane ticket (that cliche doesn't work too well here but you get the point) but not so great for expecting much out of myself for the race the day after a long day in heels, so-so nutrition and a super late night.
Saturday morning I drove into NY from NJ for the 1 mile swim race in the Hudson on the same course as the race would be. Hopped on my bike trainer for a few minutes after the race, right near my car parked on the city street. Picked up my race packet and got back into NJ with just enough time to wash the Hudson off of me and getting girly by noon, happy and confident with my race prep.
The wedding was amazing, of course. I
stayed in the moment. Didn't stress out about the next day or worry
about cutting the night short. It was a ONCE in a lifetime event after
all...even IF the alarm clock was going off at 4am in the morning and even
if it WAS a national championship. That's not to say I wasn't thinking
about it, but I'd like to think it didn't take away from my night. No
alcohol though, so I suppose I may have danced a little more (LOL - it
certainly helps!)
Fast forward to race morning. 4am. I'm not really feeling it. Awesome thing was that my ENTIRE family got up to come watch too!! I felt bad for THEM. Pro started first. 8am I think?
I was out of it during the morning. My body and mind just felt numb. I was going through the motions and I was NOT looking forward to the race for that reason. Yesterday was entirely worth it, and in my mind I remember thinking that I wasn't willing to suffer for 2 hours for it. I didn't HAVE to do the race. I could always pull out. [NOTE: This was the only time I have ever thought this before a race, any race.] I started the race still feeling like I was going through the motions.
Here's where the story really begins...
Not long into the swim, still feeling separated from it all, I felt like I was far behind in the swim. Taking a quick
look around I saw no one. I remember thinking that I was in last
place. Right then I quit. I didn't stop swimming I simply chilled
out. I was thinking no worries. I'm not gonna sweat it. I'm not going
to suffer just because. There's no reason to. It was a great
weekend. I just swam in easy. I focused in on my family who was walking
alongside the swim course. I might've even waved to them! I was so
far behind it didn't matter. When I reached the end of the course, I took my time climbing up onto the ramp. Smiling as I jogged off it since I could see my family waiting for me at the end.
[NOTE: I LOVE THAT I HAVE THIS PHOTO! I'm chilled out. The athlete behind is in full national championship race mode. What a dichotomy!] They were cheering their brains out and I just ran straight to them, instead of making the right hand turn to run toward the transition area. "I'm done," I said non-chalantly. It was my dad who said, "What?!" I started explaining to him what I was thinking and at one point, probably when I mentioned I was sure I'd been in last place, he said, "There's lots of girls behind you. Look!" I turned around and saw athletes still in the water and running up the ramp. I couldn't believe it. I'm not sure if I thought about it one more second, but I do know I ended up jumping back in the race and running toward transition. Don't know what I expected, don't remember feeling good or bad or thinking at all, I just continued.
This is when it gets good.
I was FLYING on the bike. We all ended up in one big chase pack at some point behind Sheila Taormina and Barb Lindquist (I think?) and then Karen Smyers and I (I think) jammed at the front of the pack and bridged the gap, so we all came into transition together! That really seems hard to believe as I write this now, not only because of how I felt just a few minutes before that, but simply, I never, ever in my career ever did that again, come in off the bike with Barb and Sheila that is! But I know it happened...because of the following...
I must've had a good position coming into transition. I usually had one of the faster transitions in the bunch, but again I FLEW. Didn't miss a beat, and before I knew it, I was running out of transition in first place. WELL in first place. I was laughing inside. Was this really happening? The coolest part of the race, aside from that, was a bit later, running now in the middle of 72nd street midday in NYC, shoulder to shoulder with Gina Kehr, following the lead vehicles. I remember thinking, then saying out loud to her, "How cool is THIS." It really was. ESPECIALLY knowing 'where' I'd come from that morning.
I ended up 6th on the day. I faded at the end. Physically, but not mentally.
Mentally I'd gained something HUGE that day. I have Dad to thank for that. He knows by now that I was always a tough cookie when it came to taking advice from him in my sport(s). That time however, it worked and it left an indelible mark.
I'm amazed to this day that I truly believed that I physically SAW myself in last place that day. My mind was so powerful! I was stunned to see athletes behind me at that moment after the swim.
Since then I always make sure to do a double or triple take. I ask myself a couple questions as to whether what I'm thinking and feeling is physical or mental, for whatever challenge I have. I assess the situation and then make a decision. I surprise myself a lot! It's coming in handy in mountain biking for example. So often I'll be thinking, "There's no way I'm getting over that" and then find myself going over it before I even finish that complete sentence. My mind tries, but it's never gotten away with that again. I make sure I use it's 'power' for good!
I love when lessons learned are good for life in general...
